Sensitivity Training

I have had the fortunate and unfortunate opportunity in the last few years of experiencing what my good friend Janis calls "sensitivity training." In my youth and still today I tend to be very self- focused. Maybe we are all self-focused but is has caused me to be less than sensitive to those struggling with one thing or another. Instead of rejoicing to bring a sick friend a meal it often causes needless stress. Instead of focusing on how I can love others like Christ, I focus on my own endless list of to do's.

My sensitivity training began with my recent jaw healing adventure. For this story we must go back several years to my sweet husband. He was diagnosed with diverticulitis and I was very much less than sensitive. At the time I was on empty and overwhelmed. It did not help that in order for Spencer to keep his job I had to work his and mine, this aided in my insensitivity. I was less than patient and certainly not understanding. I was self-focused, not meaning to be upset with him but so tired and overwhelmed that I could not rightly see his suffering. I got over my insensitivity and took care of him. Thankfully the Lord did not allow me to dwell in that awful place.

Several months later I was diagnosed with a cyst in my jaw. The cyst was benign but it had eaten away a good portion of my jaw and as such was inoperable without drastically altering my life. My doctor decided to go the least abrasive route and heal me over time with a small open incision in my mouth to shrink the cyst over time. I underwent several surgeries and found myself helpless. What did my husband meet me with, love. He took such good care of me with patience and tenderness. He was not short with me, or seemingly overwhelmed. He was truly Christ to me. As I lay on the couch with an enormous face, tons of ice packs and a lot of pain meds, I began to see how much I had let Spencer down when he was in the same dilemma. I had been short and frustrated. I took care of him and tried to love him but I was not sensitive. I needed sensitivity training and boy did I learn it. After 4 surgeries in one year I have heard the Lord loud and clear. I am called to love those who are struggling that Christ has loved. I am called to look to him for strength when the burden of life and when taking care of others seems too much, I am called to love. Not love when I am full, not love when I feel like it, just love! WHOA. Maybe you have undergone sensitivity training as well. Maybe you don't have to, trust me it's no fun. God does not care that I took care of his people. It's not just the action he cares about but the heart behind the action. If I serve others but do not have love in my heart I have missed the gospel message.