The real meaning of Christmas

 This year I've felt a little bit like Charlie Brown, I have wondered, what is the meaning of Christmas?

 As I went through the fall and noticed Christmas decor on the store shelves before Halloween, as I noted that stores were open on Thanksgiving now in order to get great Christmas deals I wondered...what is Christmas all about? Being a Christian, I KNOW what Christmas is all about the  birth of Jesus who is our Messiah and Saviour, I know that, but where is he? I see lights, presents and carolers. I put on concerts, bake cookies, shop for gifts etc., but where is Jesus? Is he in the Christmas lists of presents we ask our families for? Is he in the line at the mall to see Santa? Is he at Church or maybe only at church? Is he is the adopt-a-family or at the soup kitchen? I began to think about all of the things that make up Christmas and began to wonder how they add up to Jesus. Most years all of the wonder of the Christmas season points me to Jesus but this year it has distracted me. I have been focusing on the presents I wish I could give to people or wishing my current life place felt more secure. I have been dreading the surgery that looms for my daughter when the Christmas season is over and wishing with all of my heart I could see all of my loved ones to celebrate. As I have been wading through the emotional mess of this year I was reminded by God that these things I am wrestling with are exactly why I celebrate Christmas. God did not come only to stay a baby, he came to grow into a man, to minister to the broken and eventually die for the sins of the world. He came to save and redeem me. He came to be Lord over all. He gave so that I might give. He died so that I might live. He wants to be Lord over everything, my sadness, my joy, my brokenness, my celebrations, everything. He wants to be there in the beauty of the music my students make. He wants to be there in the kindness we share with one another. He want to be in our hearts as we choose gifts to give to those around us how much we love them. He wants us to have joy and wonder, he wants to be Our King of Kings, Immanuel the prince of peace.

This Sunday, the pastor of Cape Bible Chapel presented a message about Christmas and being in the holiday spirit. He reminded the congregation that the birth of Jesus is miraculous. Not only is this unfathomable that a virgin could conceive and bear a child, a child that would be the son of God but that that son would actually be God. The whole thing is mind blowing. The God of the Universe sets aside his glory to grow inside a young girls womb for 9 months. The creator and sustain of life is now a helpless baby. The God of the universe has to rely on people to care for his needs, let that sink in a minute. As I pondered these truths I was transported back in time to past Christmas'. As a young girl I understood the mysterious truth of the birth of Christ. I imagined what it must have been like for Mary to be told that she was with child and that that child was God's own son. What Joseph must have felt when his intended bride that he had not yet slept with was found to be with child. How he must have felt relieved but also afraid when the angel told him that the child inside of Mary's womb  was God. I imagine that might be a bit intimidating to a young man. I imagined what obstacles two young people in their situation must have faced. I used to listen to carols like Angels We Have Heard on High and imagine what the shepherds must have been thinking when they saw the angel announce the birth of Christ. What would it have been like to visit the Savior of the world as an infant and play a drum like the Carol of the little drummer boy? I do not think that carol has any true historical reference but the thought of having nothing to bring the newborn king but yourself makes me smile.

Jesus came to be the Messiah but he came as a baby. He came in human flesh to walk as we walk, to live as we live. He came to be fully God and fully man. Eventually the baby born in a manger would die for you and for I. He would pay the penalty for sin, not so that we can be better people, or do good deeds, or got to church on holidays or feel good about ourselves. He came and died for our sin that we might be saved from death and live in everlasting glory. He came to transform our lives and make us into His image more and more each day. He came to dwell in us with His Holy Spirit so that we might honor and bless him with our lives. He came to radically transform our lives and change history. Mysterious and wonderful. That is much more wondrous than a strand of LED lights, a fat man with lots of presents or even reindeer that have learned to fly. This holiday season I hope you will think in childlike wonder about the baby born in Bethlehem a little over 2,000 years ago. I hope you will allow yourself to imagine the circumstances of his birth, his childhood, adolescence, ministry and finally his death and resurrection. I hope you will lose yourself in the wonder of the true meaning of Christmas and meet that tiny baby boy who changed the world and wants to change your life.

Thankful

Recently I came across this someecard on Facebook. I love someecards mainly because I have a very sarcastic and somewhat dry sense of humor. This card however did not make me laugh but instead it made me stop and think. You see every year I give myself the task of being thankful for 30 days. I give myself this task that I might see beyond myself and my circumstances. I do it publicly to be accountable because lets face it, who does not like a good pity party. As I pondered the ecard, I began to wonder...am I ungrateful? Do I complain for the majority of the year only to be thankful for 30 days? It made me think about my own heart attitude. 

This November I have found it difficult at times to be thankful. I have struggled some days to think of something that I am thankful for. It seems like life is full of hills and valleys. It is easy to live with a grateful heat when you are living in triumph or are on top of the world, conversely it is difficult in the midst of struggle to see the wonder and joy around you. I struggle often times with this emotional blindness that makes me feel and possibly seem ungrateful.

As I pondered these things further, I began to wonder, does the presence of struggle, anxiety, heartache, frustration and the like negate thankfulness? Can you be real about your emotions and where you are at in life and still live out your days as a person who is grateful for all that the Lord has done? I think the answer is yes. The Bible does not tell us that we have to be happy all of the time, in fact it is full of accounts of people who are very much not happy. The Bible does however command us to give thanks. "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. "- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-19 ESV As I thought all month about my personal thankfulness challenge and the fact that honestly I did not feel thankful sometimes, I began to wonder about verses like the one in 1 Thessalonians. Why does God call us to give thanks for ALL things, doesn't he know that some things are hard? Each day that I was thankful I began to struggle more. Life began to hand me more and more challenges. Personal, financial, physical....but I had started the month of being thankful and I was going to finish!! Each day as I thought about what I had to praise God for, the struggles seemed to be less insurmountable. I began to think "if I have so much to be thankful for then surely God will hear and answer me in my current distress." In the days that followed I also began to trust God's goodness even if he did not answer every distress call immediately or how I think he should. Each day of faithfulness to the goal I set for myself, the more my outlook changed and the easier it was to make it through each day. A very wise friend of mine said to me once, that depression can be diminished by being thankful. She told me that writing down 375 things you are thankful for can lessen depression considerably. After only finding thirty thankful things and feeling much better about some pretty challenging life trials, I think she may be on to something. God knows that here in this world that is sinful and broken we will not find hope if we do not look to him. God knows that if our hearts are focused on situations and the brokenness of the world and those around us our hope will fail. I believe that is why he commands us to be thankful. God is so amazing that not only does he provide for our physical needs but he also provides for our emotional needs. 

 

The Promise

Ten years ago my college sweetheart and I said "I do." We made a covenant before God and in front of many witnesses. At the time I realized what the promise I was making meant but you never fully understand until you live it. When you are 23, healthy and have your whole life ahead of you it's hard to grasp the weight of the promise you are making. It's hard to think about the weight of sickness when all you have known is health. It's hard to grasp poor when all you have known is plenty. When you look down the road hoping for all of the "betters" it's hard to fathom the worse. We do it daily all around the world, people promise:  "for richer or poorer, for better or worse, in sickness and health, until death do us part." When I got married I wondered why we made that promise to one another and now ten years later, I have finally learned the answer to that question, because there are good times but there are also bad, there is sickness as well as health, there are times of plenty and times when our store houses are empty. It's not a promise for just in case life gets hard, it's a promise because life will be hard. Spencer and I have had to live out our vows over the past 10 years. We have seen and experienced all of the things that we told each other we would be there for. 

I love this song, it makes me cry, it makes me think, it reminds me that I made a covenant with the one true God and it points me to the only person who can help me keep that vow. I wish that I could learn how to "dance in the minefields." Frankly, I am pretty good at hunkering down and waiting out the storms but dancing in them...not so much. Maybe that's the lesson that God will teach me in the next 10 years. 

"Cause we bear the light of the son of man so there's nothing left to fear.

 I'll walk with you in the shadow land, til the shadows disappear. 

Cause he promised not to leave us and his promises are true

 so in the face of all the chaos baby, I can dance with you."- Andrew Peterson

Such good lyrics. We do bear the light of God's son. We are children of God. There is nothing that God cannot do in and through the lives of those who love him and are called according to his purpose. So maybe you find yourself in the middle of the sickness, health, want, wealth, good times, bad but one thing is for sure, God is Lord over all things.

To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy-to the one and only God our saviour be the glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and for-evermore! Amen. -Jude 1:24-25

God won't give me more than I can handle...right?

Recently I have read several blog posts on the topic of God not giving people more than they can handle. People seem to be currently enraged with this concept. Why is this such a big deal I wondered as I read the blog posts. I have done some reading and this is what I came up with.

The concept of God not giving us more than we can handle is found nowhere in Scripture. In fact we have very well documented cases of God giving or allowing people to be in circumstances where they were given more than they can handle. Surely being cast out of the garden of Eden, separated from God, struggling in work and childbearing and the final consequence of original sin, death, were probably more than Adam and Eve could handle. When the Lord killed David and Bathsheba's son as a punishment for their infidelity, it was more than they could handle. Moses could not speak and was given the task of demanding Pharaoh to let the Israelites go, despite his fear, anxiety, stuttering. Job, lost everything and was tempted and afflicted by Satan, I'm sure that felt like more than he could handle.  What about Jesus? Dying on a cross  and being separated from God was more than he could handle. Oh and don't forget the disciples, most of them were martyred for their faith...do you see where I am going with this? The Bible is full of accounts of people with struggles. People just like you and I who found themselves in situations that were more than they could handle. Scripture is also records the Lord's faithfulness in EVERY overwhelming situation.

What Scripture does say is that the Christian life is to be a struggle. We are to take up our cross daily and follow Christ. Christ himself tells us that even families will be broken apart by the Gospel. Boy, that sounds a lot worse than they whole "God won't give you more than you can handle" adage. Actually the truth is far more wonderful than even that. The Lord promises to be with us in time of struggle. He promises to carry us through, guide us and protect us. He gives us his Holy Spirit and friendship with his fellowship of believers here on earth. We may be given things that are seemingly too much for us to handle but the good news is that nothing is bigger than what God can handle. If we could figure out everything here on earth, what would we need faith for? What would we need God for? How would God be glorified by a bunch of highly capable people with perfect lives? Furthermore, how much satisfaction and joy could we ourselves take from life if we were perfect and never learned anything new or were never challenged or tested. The hardest things I have encountered have left imprints on my soul. The Lord has used them, to change and grow me into the person he means me to be.

The Lord may or may not give me more than I can handle but this sinful broken world probably will. My sinfulness and disobedience may also land me in a situation that feels like more than I can handle. I will encounter, sickness, death, sorrow, violence, cruelty, hatred and the like, here on earth. God gives us something powerful though in the midst of the struggles here on earth his Spirit and his Son. Neither one of these things take away the broken bits of our lives but they do allow us to walk through our troubles with faith. So instead of thinking, "God will not give me more than I can handle." I prefer to think that there is nothing that God can not handle. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."- 2 Corinthians 12:9  May God display his power and might in the lives of us who call him Father.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus."-Romans 8:38-39

The star of Brave in the real world

Several years ago a movie titled Brave came out into theaters. It featured a little girl who was seeking her own voice and path in a life that had already been planned out for her. I took my daughter to see this movie and we love it but I don't think Merida was all that Brave. I guess by movie standards she was Brave in facing a bear, standing up for what is right, but at the end of the movie I saw a selfish little girl who was only Brave because she had to be. Maybe we all face moments where we are brave because we have to be. I don't think anyone walks around thinking,"I want to be brave. Test my braveness." In reality I think we are brave when we least expect it or possibly when we least want to be.

My little girl was born with a cleft palate. She was very fortunate that it was only the palate and not the lip. The cleft also did not bother any or her gums. When she was born she would not eat due to the palate and she had a hard time thriving for several weeks. Fortunately we live in a city that has wonderful children's hospitals and we put her under the care of the cleft team at Cardinal Glennon. At 16 months the cleft was repaired. Honestly it was an awful experience. I don't know if you have ever been in a situation to watch your child suffer but if you have you understand the torture we went through. Our daughter cried for a full 48 hours after we got home and she was in so much pain, it hurt us so bad because we could do nothing. One day she turned a corner and suddenly she was playing and happy again. Our daughter does not remember any of the things that happened with that first surgery because she was so small but all of that is about to change. 

At our cleft team visit this year the doctors determined that my little girl will need another surgery. After a marathon of doctors; ENT, audiology, speech, plastic surgery, dental, and a battery of tests prodding a poking they told us we needed one more test to determine if she needed surgery. She had to have a nasal scope, basically they put a camera up her nose and asked her to speak. At first my 5 year old seemed afraid of this task but then she bravely accepted the challenge and did a wonderful job. As she waited for her scope that was admittedly scary for her, she sang a song she learned at her preschool. "Our God is a great big God." She began to sing a soon there was a host of people watching and smiling, some were even crying. She did the scope and our fear were confirmed that she will indeed be facing another surgery, a surgery that she will remember. 

I walked into the news of surgery with faith but in the days that have followed I have been met with doubt, fear, and anxiety. I know God has kept my baby girl and our family in his care but why this? Why must we continue on this journey? Why does someone so small have to be so brave? I am sure many mother's of children fighting illness, disease or any medical struggle have asked God the same question. It seems unfair that a small child should be asked to bear such a great burden but I know plenty of people whose children bear a similar or even harder burden than my own. How do we walk through these challenges with faith and grace while still being human? 

I am afraid I cannot answer that question but I do know a few things. I know that my daughter frequently reminds me that she loves Jesus more than me and that is a start. The first time she told me that I almost cried. She looked at me like she thought I was angry and I looked back at her and said, "that is always how it should be. Make sure you always love God more than people and he will give you a heart to love people well." See she has the correct priorities. Her heart longs after God without question. She does not have to doubt, she just has faith. When she comes to a new situation she approaches it with faith. My challenge is how to model walking with faith in this new situation so that she can demonstrate and live out her faith in this obstacle too. 

I also know that God is not the author of bad things. We live in a fallen world broken by sin. When Adam and Eve sinned the whole of humanity was cursed with sin and the effects of sin. There was no longer perfect communion with God. Our bodies now struggle with sickness and the effects of the fall. The whole of nature is crying out for redemption because of the sinfulness of man. Most Christians embrace these truths as fact but honestly it is hard to live them out in the face of our struggles. So what then are we to do when faced with a situation that requires bravery? I believe we are to set our hearts and minds on God like king David and God will use us to slay Giants. Exodus 14:14 says that the Lord will fight your battles you need only be still. I think that the being still is the hard part. We can not see God's plan from out limited human perspective but he calls us to have faith and trust, that is what makes us truly brave. So the next time you are faced with a situation that requires you to be brave consider your options, face the situation with your own strength or call upon the one who endured death, even death on a cross, to reverse the curse of sin. 

Yesterday I was a bad Mom.

Yesterday I was a bad Mom.  I came home from work exhausted and incredibly irritated for no apparent reason and that's when everything fell apart. I left work with a mountain of things left undone and came home to a moutain of other things to be done. My daughter had been playing, so toys were out and the house was not entirely in order. Normally I would have been okay with the state of our lives but not yesterday. From the moment I came in the house I felt overwhelmed and frustrated. The day had followed me home and was now going to hang out in my living room all evening. I was annoyed, irritated and disagreeable. After supper my daughter asked me to go onto a learning website she had been talking about for a number of days.  I logged for her and found out that you have to pay a monthly fee to use the website after the initial 30 day trial. For some reason this sent me over the edge. Why on earth should I pay monthly for a website to teach my daughter things when I myself possess an education degree!!!  I grumbled and made it clear that I was not happy about her obsession with this website or the fact that my husband had already created an account for her. I begrudgingly logged her into the site and sat with her while she played the games. She enjoyed playing but could clearly tell I was unhappy with her. After her computer time I gave her a bath and put her to be without even reading her a story. I retreated to my couch to sulk and revel in my bad attitude. It was during this sulking period that the Lord began to whisper in my ear. I began to think about the night and wonder what on earth I could have possibly been so upset about; my conclusion, nothing. I began to think about my daughter and her website obsession and it occured to me, I used to do that. I would hear about something and fixate on it until I had it or experienced this mysterious thing that I was hearing about. The difference between my childhood obsessions and my daughter's is this, her obsession revolves around a sincere desire to learn to read. She had been working tirelessly to learn her alphabet letters and sounds so that she can read to herself. Unlike the things I wished to possess in my youth that were fleeting, my daughter wants to possess the keys to knowledge.

I was not a bad Mom because I had a bad day or even because I was firm with my daughter, the reason I was a bad Mom was in my heart, you see I allowed my heart to be hardened. The day, clutter, worries, stress, workload etc. had taken over my heart and left it hardend. I did not give my burdens to the Lord and I did not speak or breathe life into my daughter or my family. I did not demonstrate grace or patience. My daughter brought me her heart, vulnerable and sweet and  I did not treat it like the treasure that it is. Instead of looking into my childs heart and seeing shepherding it, I neglected to see past my own selfishness.

Scripture call us to "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it."-Proverbs 22:6 I was listening to focus on the family the other day and they were speaking about that passage and about how it is more than discipline but training of the heart. Teaching our children to have a heart after God to follow after him in obedience and faith. Giving our children a heart knowledge that will continue to guide them in their lives to come. We have to first model the obedience and faith. My daughter learns everyday how to treat people from my husband and I. She will be the kind of mother I am to her children. What kind of legacy do I want to be leaving for my precious one?

Is there hope to ever ridding myself of the "bad mom?" I don't think so. The problem with original sin is that while Christ has defeated sin and death on the cross, we struggle and will struggle with those things until he comes again. I am not sinless and will not be until the day Christ takes me to be with him.  I think that in God's grace he shows me how to be a better Mom when the "bad mom" appears. If everything was always easy or I never failed I would not grow. I would stay the same person I am always.  I think the Lord teaches me how to respect and listen to my daughter when the "bad mom"chooses not to listen. He shows me that she is a small person with a big heart and that we all just want to be heard and loved. I think he shows me exactly how much grace I need and in turn how much grace he expects me to extend to others. He shows me exactly how blessed I am and how much blessing he expects me to pour onto those I come in contact with. No, I think the bad mom is a teaching tool the Lord uses to show me that I do not have a heart after his and that I need to follow  him.

So what about today...Today I was a  good Mom. I was not good because I posess within myself the capacity to be so, no I was good because I intentionally set my heart after the Lord. I brought my child to God's feet in prayer and intentionally looked into her heart. I sought to love and cherish the time I have with my most precious little girl, time that is already passing too fast. Today I was intentional about loving and speaking life. Today I told the "bad mom" to take a hike because life is too short to let her hand around too long.

Purple Mountain Majesty

"O beautiful for spacious skies, 
For amber waves of grain, 
For purple mountain majesties 
Above the fruited plain! 
America! America! 
God shed his grace on thee 
And crown thy good with brotherhood 
From sea to shining sea! " -Katherine Lee Bates






Driving across Eastern Colorado is supremely disappointing. If you have ever made this trip you know what I am saying. You drive all the way across Kansas and finally arrive at colorful Colorado only to be greeted by prairie and tumble weeds. What? Where are these "mountains" you think? The great part about this trip is further down the road you being to see a hazy outline of something grand and glorious. What appears only to be a shadow on the horizon at first steadily grows into the bold a beautiful Rocky Mountains with each passing mile. 

I may have been spoiled in my youth. You see I grew up always being able to see the mountains. My family lived in several places in Colorado and I grew accustomed to seeing mountains every day. When I was in lower elementary school I lived in Frisco and was surrounded by mountains. It was part of the physical education requirements in that area to learn a winter sport. Cool huh? In my adolesence I lived in Colorado Springs right next to Pike's Peak where Katherine Lee Bates pinned the lyrics to America the Beautiful in 1893. The grand and glorious rocky Mountains inspired her to see the beauty of our great country and the wonder of God's creation. I have always been fond of the mountains but it is not until recently that I have figured out why. You see I moved to Missouri to go to College and met my husband. We have since settled in Missouri. Not hailing originally from this part of the world, big rivers really do not inspire me as much as the giant mountains that seem to dwarf onlookers. 

This summer I was very blessed to visit Colorado to celebrate my cousin's wedding. After the wedding in Denver my entire immediate family drove to Estes park for 5 days. When we finally got to Estes Park we were surrounded by mountains. I could not get enough of looking at them, I spent every minute of sunlight gazing on the mountains. 

Estes Park

We took several hikes in Rocky Mountain National park and I enjoyed every one of them but I learned the most on the hike I took alone with my sweet husband to Cub lake. We hiked about 3 hours total and the terrain was challenging but not too difficult. We were surrounded by God's majesty and created beauty. I began to ask myself and God why these mountains mean so much to me. Why do these mountains they stir my soul? The answer came as we were making our way back to the shuttle, the answer is that I am small. I am a small but valuable part of God's redemptive plan. The mountains remind me of that. The fact that my life, my problems, my path, are not as big as they seem is calming. God reminded me that I am part of his big picture and he rejoices to let me be a part of it. He is a big God. A God who created oceans, seas, mountains, plains, heavens and earth. He created the whole earth and everything in it and me. What? In comparison I seem to be less significant than the whole of creation yet when God made man and woman he said that it was very good. 

Me at cub lake

Walking the path to Cub lake God reminded me that I am to look to him for guidance and trust that he, the God of all creation, has it all under control. He reminded me to look upon the hills when I or life seem to big. He reminded me that his love for me is vast and bigger than any shortcoming I may possess. Maybe you feel the same way, maybe life is big right now. Maybe your struggles are keeping you from seeing the bigger picture, maybe God wants you to look at him and feel small. The wonderful part of people and creation is that God made all of it for his glory. Your life and mine are part of a bigger plan of redemption and purpose that God has for all of us. What makes you feel small before God? Is he calling you to go there so he can wrap his arms around you and assure you that the big things in life that overwhelm you are not too big for him. 

Rocky Mountian National Park taken on our hike.

"I lift my eyes up to the Mountians- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord the Maker of heaven and earth." -Psalm 121:1-2

Broken

 Have you ever taken a pottery class? I have. I was lucky enough to attend a Jr. and Senior high school that understood the importance of a varied curriculum and so for one of my electives I chose to take a pottery class. The class was really enjoyable and we did things like pour our own pottery and use the potters wheel,which I was never very good at. Ceramics are a tricky but beautiful art form. There are lots of pottery making methods, some involve using a mold, some involve pinching or molding a pot or sculpture by hand and other a potter's wheel. The artist must pick how they will build their artwork and then proceed but there are many steps before completion in any one of these methods.

For the past several years I have felt like a broken pot. This life has times of great sorrow, hardship, love, joy, prosperity, need, grief, loss and elation. The roads we have all set out on can have twists and turns we never expected and lead us to perils never prepared for. It was in one, or all of those perils in my path that my particular pot was broken. The good thing about pottery is this, it can be fixed or even transformed from misshapen or broken into something right and beautiful. An artist skilled in clay can either use water to re-wet the clay and shape it back into the intended form or break it completely and mix the clay again to make it into an entirely new piece.

God does not intend for us to stay broken. He does not intend for his pots to be walking around with holes in them. God intends for us to be formed to the specific shape and purpose he created us for. We are not to be a misshapen mess that will not function properly. Imagine if you will a wonky coffee cup that will leave coffee all over the front of your work attire. No, no wonky cups, saucers, plates, bowls or the like in God's pottery. You see God is the most skilled potter. If our pot is broken beyond a quick repair he can and sometimes does remake our pots into something even more beautiful.


The process of pottery making always includes the use of a kiln to heat the pottery and harden it for completion. Even after the potter has spent hours forming, molding, taking the rough edges off  and painting the pottery it still has to be fired in the kiln. Tremendous amounts of heat harden the clay into something that we can use for a number of daily tasks. Even if our wonderful and skilled potter has formed us into the particular shape in which he has intended, we may still need to go to the process of firing. The kiln is necessary to harden earthenware, stoneware and porcelain into something that can be used forever.

So what then about us? Are we to stay broken? Are we to resist being fired in the kiln for our completion or refuse to be molded on the potters wheel? Surely not. We must not be defined by our situation, problems, ailments or circumstances, instead be must be defined by the one who made us. We must be defined by the one who created us and breathed life into us. We are created for a specific God honoring use and must trust God's purpose in his process of making us into what he has intended us to be. This past year as I was treated for a cyst in my jaw.  I struggled with being defined by my ailment. After undergoing several surgeries I fell into despair at times. I began to dwell in my perception of what was wrong with my life instead of dwelling in thankfulness for God's provision of a wonderful doctor.  I focused on what I was missing  and it stole my joy. I became the broken pot and intended to stay that way. What I did not realize is that God meant this process to not only heal my jaw but heal my heart. God will mend our brokenness. He will use our struggles and trials to bring us and those around us closer to him. The very God who formed our hearts and created them will be the one to put back the pieces that this world and our circumstances have broken. Only he can restore us and when he does we must live in the victory of his healing and restoration.

Spiders and fleas and mice, oh my!

I have aways been prone to anxiety. As long as I can remember I have been plagued with fear and anxiety about everything. I am not sure if this condition is nature or nurture but I do know it has kept me from doing a lot of things in life. When I was small I would pray every night and the end of my prayers would go something like this, "Lord please do not let any animals, insects or spiders come near me, harm me, bother me or bite me and please keep me from death." In hindsight, that is pretty heavy stuff for a fourth grader to be praying about! The amount of anxiety I feel has only gotten worse as I have grown into adulthood. Now I am the one expected to keep the above mentioned harms from my family.

Several years back we lived in a townhouse where I discovered, to my horror, a number of brown recluse spiders. I shudder even thinking about it because it was truly my worst nightmare come true. I had to deal with the situation as an adult with no Mom and Dad to run to. My husband and I had to figure out the best and safest way to take care of the problem. In the middle of my spider problem it felt like the world was ending. Now looking back I see that the Lord kept us safe and worked out his plan of redemption even in that situation.

When presented with a problem such as spiders, or my dog having fleas or a mouse in our home I freeze. It is the proverbial straw that broke the Camel's back in every instance. You see the problems seem to compound, one on top of another until even the smallest thing seems to send me to tears. The funny thing is how the Lord has never let me down and yet I freak out as if he will. The presence of problems or pests does not indicate the absence of God.

Philippians 4:6 says,"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Why does God tell us to be anxious about nothing, doesn't he know about plagues, fires, famines, rabid dogs and the other 9 millions problems or perils that could befall us everyday? The answer is Yes! I think the problem is we make God too small or at least I do. God knows about everything under the heavens. Why then does he call me not to be anxious about anything? I think the reason is two fold, first he is in control of everything and will provide in all situations.  Secondly he knows the havoc anxiety can wreak on or minds, bodies and souls and he does not want us to live in that havoc. The first point is crucial. Whether or not we feel or believe it, God has our best interests at heart at all times. The perils that befall us in out life's journeys are not a surprise to God. He knows about them and he also know how he will get us out of them. Much of what we walk through prepares us for situations that we will face in life's journey ahead or people we will meet and influence for God. Our thoughts, actions and state of mind can play a huge part in our overall health and well being.

I love the second half of the verse above. "And the peace that transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." God promises a peace that we can not comprehend. When our minds are busy worrying and fretting God promises us peace. The God who created the heavens and earth promises us peace that we can not understand. This same peace is promised to guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. I love that God promises to guard our hearts. Our hearts are so fragile and the Lord who created us in his own likeness knows the tenderness of our hearts. God promises to guard our tender hearts and protect our minds from worry, worry that can steal our joy, our peace, our contentment even our sense of adventure or enjoyment. God means for us to enjoy this adventure called life. Are we needlessly worrying about things we have no control over or are we trusting the Lord with all that we of our hearts and letting his peace reign in our hearts?

The real world war Z

I took my daughter to a local fast food establishment for dinner the other night. We rarely have a time out together just the two of us and so we were both looking forward to a meal and time spent together. To my surprise a local elementary school was hosting a fundraiser at our restaurant of choice and the place was packed with people. It took an exorbitant amount of time to get our food and while we were waiting a number of children seemed to be running a muck. As I looked around I saw parents just tired. A veritable zombie race of overworked people trying to cross feeding the children off their list of nightly duties. It seems like we work so hard for our living, the things we need and possibly don't need to survive. We are giving in so many directions that we often have little time or energy left for the most important things in life.

I see myself as a member of the zombie race more often than I care to admit. I come home after a long day at work and I have nothing left. All day long I have been teaching, molding, disciplining and caring for four hundred plus students between two different schools. I find that all of my patience, understanding and guidance has been dulled out to the precious ones I am in trusted to teach everyday. Each child who walks into my classroom is someones pride and joy, someones sunshine and I try to treat them as such. This poses a problem when I have nothing left for my own sunshine. Who will mother her if I don't? Who will teach her to love, respect and care for people if I won't. Who will model grace and understanding if not me? Who will point her to God if I do not? Who will she come to if all I can do is park on the couch out of pure exhaustion?

I see the zombie race weekly. They look like everyone else. They drive cars and go to work, they have families that they love and they are all spent. Being tired is not relegated only to the teachers of the world, stay at home mothers, businessmen, nurses, doctors and every other person striving to make a living can and probably will fall into zombiehood at some point. 

I have heard many people say that they are "working for the weekends." I think this sounds about right. Most people are doing just that, working for the time they are allotted to be off pouring into their family friends, hobbies and the things that make them who they are. Many people have church obligations or even extra jobs that consume even the time they are given "off." The problem with working for the weekends is that the zombies are taking over that part of life too. I realized this while I was at church the other day enjoying a "day of rest." Biblically, the Lord rested on the seventh day and has blessed us with the ability to do so as well. Many jobs and obligations in this modern life do not allow for such a thing as resting. As I looked around at my friends and even my pastors I noticed that they looked tired too. ACK, is there no escaping the zombie Apocalypse? So now the problem is that I am too tired to be graceful with my family, to model love, respect and joyfulness. On the weekends I am too busy to lead myself and my child to worship and I am not taking the time needed to rest. Does anyone out there hear what I am saying? 

 How do we combat the zombie within and still be everything we are called to be at home, school, work etc? How do we honor God with all that we are when we have given all that we have? I wish I had some profound answer but the truth is I do not. I do know this, if we do not take the time to teach our children they will never learn to be the people we are praying that they will be. Kids learn from every experience. They are amazing little sponges who soak up anything near them. Who will teach them to be respectful, to be kind, to serve, to love, to give, to be full of grace, to worship if we won't or can't. Maybe the first step is realizing the signs of our inner zombie and then fighting against it. Maybe if we recognize the triggers we can fight against giving into being shadows of our true selves. 

My biggest downfall is the couch. It is just so darn comfy and after an entire day of singing, dancing and moving it is oh so inviting. I bet your couch is equally inviting after a long day of whatever keeps you busy from sun up to sundown. I have learned that nothing will happen if I put my rear on that couch. I am instantly checked out. I am a shadow of myself. I check facebook, I watch a movie with my daughter and it it truly all I can do to get her ready for bed. Frankly, when  my daughter's bed time rolls around I am more than ready to fall asleep.

What is the solution to the real world war Z? I think the answer can be found in Matthew 11:28-29 "Come to Me, all of you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly of heart, and you will find rest unto your souls." I think it's a daily act of seeking God, possibly even hourly. Praying and asking him to take my burdens and to give me rest. I know there are days when I am crying out to to Jesus by 10am, days that I have to tackle one three hour stretch at a time. Maybe you have been there too. Days that are overwhelming when I don't feel like I have the strength to carry on. When the day is long..,"come to Me all of you who labor." When the work is hard...,"come to Me, you who are heavy laden." When the couch, the TV, the computer, your phone are calling you to check out...Jesus says, "come to Me and I will give you rest." All of the things in this world that promise an escape are only that, escape. Is it possible what we are truly longing for is rest, peace and rejuvenation, "...and you will find rest unto your souls." What a promise! Jesus himself is promising us peace, what a wonderful word.

Roadkill

Funny where we learn life's lessons. We recently adopted a Chihuahua from a local animal shelter. I have always loved animals but until now have not owned a dog in adulthood. We love our dog and have admittedly spoiled her. She has a pink collar with rhinestones and an equally fancy bowl and bed picked for her by my daughter.  After trying several different dog food brands, we settled on Fromm Farms Game bird blend dog food. The food is remarkable, seriously, I am pretty sure my dog is eating healthier than I am. This particular food we have selected for our prissy dog, has fruits, vegetables and the best cuts of meat. Being a Type A person, I am proud of this choice in dog food and I think it has helped her to be a healthy happy dog. Much to my chagrin however, my dog who by anyones standards eats yuppie dog food, has a disgusting love for road kill. She is attracted to any dead creature remotely near our home and I must admit it is repulsive. As I scolded her for trying yet again to placate her revolting desire, I realized, I do the same thing! The Lord gives me good gifts and I am running the opposite way in search of something else, something that is never as good as what He has given me. I live a life full of blessings and yet I long and desire for more. Maybe not all of my desires are a repulsive as road kill but they are keeping me from total trust and obedience to God. Like I do for my dog, the Lord takes me in and cleans me up from my latest romp in whatever pig pen I happen to be lounging in and cares for me. He washes me, cleans me up and reminds me that he loves me. He shows me again and again that I am beloved and cherished, he even goes so far as to call me his daughter.  Just like the Israelites wandering the desert longing for something other than manna and quail, my dog and I and possibly even you long after things that are not the healthiest for us. It's a good thing our God is faithful and just to call us back to him.

Tired of Running

Have you ever run from God? I have and actually I am pretty good at it. The problem is I can never out run, outlast or hide from an omnipresent, omnipotent God. I continue to run and hide even though I know the end result is that God will find me. The Lord seeks me with patience and love and leads me back to whatever path I have strayed from.  The Lord has been leading me to start this blog for quite some time now but I have been running from this faith assignment until now. My prayer is that this blog will be encouraging to women as they travel the road of life.